FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!

I find the whole concept of nationalism quite hilarious.

The idea that living on a certain piece of land, divided by some imaginary line makes two humans completely different has never really appealed to me. 
But that may just be because I'm Scottish.
Scottish people are so uncool, in the most famous film about Scotland the lead character is played by an American with an Irish accent.

So, I have decided to try to embrace my love (cough) of Scotland, a country with some of the highest rates of suicides and teen pregnancies in Europe. Here is a list of things I like about being Scottish.


Number One
No matter where you go in the world, people will be so delighted that you are an English speaking non-English, non-American, they will instantly adore you. Unless of course you are in England or America. Which brings me to my next point.

Number Two

Every American you will ever meet will claim to be related to you. Maybe not directly.. but they will have 'scotch' ancestors. Or perhaps Irish. Maybe Welsh. Any kind of British that is not English. Not that Americans realise Scotland is part of Britain, I have heard some claim it is an island off the coast of Norway.


I know this picture doesn't really fit the point I'm making, but its laughing at Americans. I enjoy it.


I suppose that is part of being Scottish; having a deep suspicion of other countries, and looking down on them for no apparent reason.


Number Three
Our national dress. Everyone looks cool in tartan, even Katy Perry. And that's really saying something.


Number Four
I doubt if even half the Scottish population could tell you when Scotland was last independent, or when it became part of Britain. We have our own language, but less than 2% of us have any ability in it. Yet get a few drinks in the average, middle aged Scottish man and he will ramble on about Scottish independence and 'WHAT DID THE ENGLISH EVER DO FOR US?!'
So yes, sheer ignorance. I love that.


Number Five

Sean Connery.


  

Bah Humbug (but not really)

Mocking the traditions of Christmas is just too easy. So of course I'm going to do it.

I like to think I'm quite tolerant of religions in general. With possible exceptions for Jehovah's Witnesses, Scientologists (not really a religion, just a cult) and Mormons. A Mormon wrote Twilight. And it even sounds like 'moron'. But I'm not the biggest fan of religious events like Christmas.
I know Christmas barely counts as a religious event any more, which I am quite happy about. Apparently (I use the word 'apparently' in the way The Sun uses it, to avoid saying 'this is pure hearsay and likely to be untrue') Christmas has taken the place of an old Pagan festival anyway So its really not that sacred. 

If you're going by what Christmas is really about, you're just going to get really depressed. Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will tell you a nice story.
Once upon a time a cute little baby was born. He had a nice childhood, with his mum, Mary and his dad, Joseph. Oh wait... His real dad was God Almighty himself, but luckily Joseph was a cool dude, and didn't mind his girl being impregnated by a supernatural being, then raising the miracle working baby as his own. 
Actually that bit is quite pleasant, even if it is a bit Jeremy Kyle. Just imagine those DNA results...
But then you move a few years down the line, and the cute baby is tortured and killed by the very people he was sent to save, by a father who had intended this all along. There is the sad bit.
So lets forget about the religious aspect. I'm not religious, my family isn't particularly, but I don't want to miss out on the experience.
By experience, I mean presents.

So yeah, every year Christmas seems to be more and more commercial and on acid. I LOVE IT. I have given up on bah humbugging and being miserable, I'll save that for New Year now.
Also, I LOVE the John  Lewis Christmas advert. I don't care that the miserable man who writes for The Guardian said something about how anyone who cries watching it is crying out IQ points. Fuck off, snob. And that's really an insult, coming from me.

Its a really cute kid being excited about giving his parents a present! COME ON?! How heartless do you have to be to deny that this moves you? Especially as you remember that when you were a kid... it was all about the receiving.


So yes. This Christmas I will freak out about not being able to pay my bills, never mind buy presents, then calm the fuck down and enjoy being with my family, eating foods that will make me jolly (fat) and opening presents. Oh, and giving presents. Yay! 

Politicians and Stuff

Politics these days are boring. We all know this. It is the reason why boring people become politicians. Apart from Berlusconi. What a player.

Politicians used to be so much more fun. Corrupt, misogynistic and inbred maybe... but at least they had a sense of humour. Just look at Churchill, a cowardly, rude and fairly unintelligent guy, but he knew how to party. 
I'm fairly sure the more normal and pleasant a politician seems, the more evil he is. Did you know that Hitler did not drink or smoke, was by all accounts faithful to his wife and was even a vegetarian? Never trust a vegetarian. Or a man who keeps pigs.

Something that bothers me is that there are no badass female figures in politics. The only two female politicians that come to my mind are Sarah Palin (who could easily be a man) and Margaret Thatcher (who i don't really count as a politician). 
Obviously Britain will never again have a woman Prime Minister after the mess the last one made. I know i should feel indignant about this, but it doesn't really bother me. I'm not sure if its because of my feelings on women wearing suits - very very negative - or if I'm just not sure about the country being led by a woman. What if all the other countries bullied us about it? Or just got... distracted.

Berlusconi :')

My rather sparse knowledge of politics tells me that at the moment Britain and Iran are bickering. And it is just like children fighting over toys. I think its because Britain and America have this toy called 'nuclear power' and don't want to share it. Apparently Iran isn't mature enough to handle it. Pffff my sister used that excuse on me when i wanted to borrow her makeup when i was 10. 
Now i get that Iran has been a bit naughty in the past. But its descending into silly retaliation from both sides. From my understanding its gone something like this:


IRAN: Hey Britain, how's it going? I was just wondering... you know that nuclear power shizz?    Looks pretty fun, can i have a go?
BRITAIN: Ehm yeah... well thats kind of me and America's thing. Maybe in a few years, when you can understand it better?
IRAN: But thats... like... so unfair :'( I'm going to get get my own. So hahaha to you, bitch.
BRITAIN: Oh HELLL NO. We;re cutting off all banking ties. How do you like me now?
IRAN: Whatever. We're going to storm the shit out of your embassy.
BRITAIN: Well we're sending back all your ambassadors, and we're not friends anymore >:( you can forget about coming to my birthday party and getting an AWESOME party bag. I'm inviting France instead.
IRAN: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


I can see where this is going.

Doesn't that make you nervous...

For Halloween I'll be a slutty _______

Thought i'd open with someone who is much funnier than me.


Since Mean Girls pointed it out, the world has embraced what previously few people had realised. Halloween is an excuse to dress as slutty as possible, engage in slutty posing and probably act quite slutty, all in the name of good fun.
Basically, its brilliant.

If you are too lazy to watch the video, basically the wonderful Jenna Marbles is talking about how we should stop 'hating on' the Halloween sluts. I think i agree with her. 
It does upset me how much girls hate other girls. Even if a girl is a big whore, its her life choice. Kind of like being a catholic. But with less clothes. And they don't get the Pope to cover up their mistakes. 
When i see a girl in a Halloween costume that is just a job title with 'slutty' stuck on the front, part of me wants to emotionally crucify her. The comments, 'it was brave of you to go for a size smaller than you are' and 'i guess the diet isn't going too well' do spring into my head, its only natural. But after the initial disgust wears off though, a tiny bit of respect creeps in. It must take a lot to not care what people think, or at least to appear as though you don't care, especially when people hate how you look. It must be how Madonna feels. Veins.....
As Jenna Marbles says, as long as your boyfriend's penis isn't in her mouth, whats the problem? 

We can't all look like Keira Knightly, so some of us choose to look like Katie Price instead. Its still not attractive, but the effort that is put in is really quite stunning. It takes so long trying to look past all the tan, eyelashes and hair, that by the time you get to real skin, you forget what you're even looking for. I think by the time most guys get to that point, they'll just be happy to find a vagine. 


I did mean to say vagine, vagina is a really ugly word. And i can't pull off things like minge. I think kooka and noon are relatively acceptable. I love euphemisms. 


But back to Halloween. I don't mind Halloween sluts much, as long as they're not predatory sluts. But it would be nice if more people could dress a little scary. I've never been particularly scared by a witch with her kooka hanging out.


Lets all just dress like this

When I grow up I want to be...

I am now in second year of a joint History of Art and English Literature degree. Which basically means i am going to be an over educated waitress for a large part of my life. This isn't a terrible thing... i enjoy making coffee, especially if i get to drink lots of it at the same time.
When I applied for this degree i thought i was planning ahead and being sensible. I like writing. I like art. I thought i could combine the two. Unfortunately, this was before i realised the truth about arts degrees.
They are useless.

Try typing 'Arts Degree' into google. Google will suggest 'jokes' as your next word.

It terrifies me that people know what they want to do with their lives. I have no other plans other than to not screw up too badly. I am much more inspired by people who fall into things and become wildly successful.
One of my role models at the moment is Mary Portas. I just watched her programme about the shop she is setting up, which sells (among other things) clothes for older women who don't want to dress like their daughters or like old women.

It also sells sex toys apparently.
I was kind of hoping she'd also think about doing a line for girls who don't want to dress like street walkers. Or like they threw themselves head first into Urban Outfitters, rolled around in teenage angst and hoped for the best.

I know its such an irritatingly girl thing to say, but i really like fashion. Apparently people are meant to get a rush of endorphins when they exercise. I don't. I get it when i look at beautiful clothes.

MMMMMMMMMMM.

Things i can't afford.

I'm so looking forward to unemployment.

Funny HaHa or Funny Looking?

People look stupid.
I sometimes wonder/ponder what an alien race would think when they landed on our planet. Apart from all the wars between people who are basically the same, genocide, prejudice and ignorance, why the hell do we all look so stupid?

Obviously a large part of it comes from the desire to look cool. But as with everything, there is always someone who takes it too far.

(If you're ever feeling a bit down and need a laugh, google scene kids)

I am in constant awe of people who can fearlessly be themselves and show it, or dress to reflect what they love and believe. But i can't help feeling that some people are just throwing themselves into their closets screaming 'I NEED TO BE NOTICED, I AM UNIQUE, PLEASE LOVE ME!!!'.

Either that or their hairspray has a mind of its own.

I have myself fallen victim to this at times

But as this was almost 10 years ago, i think its time i was forgiven.

FUCK YOU HAIRDRESSERS.

It is a well known fact that getting a haircut is more uncomfortable than going to a gynaecologist.
Or maybe pretty close.

Generally i try to stay away from ranting, i get all high pitched and irrational, but my haircut today really pushed me over the edge. I need to rant.
I HATE GETTING MY HAIRCUT.
From beginning to end, it is sheer torture. Walking into a salon, i am immediately an inconvenience to the hairdresser, God that he is with his strutting walk, bleached hair and lisping voice. I'm sure he is a lovely guy, but right now he is THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE.
He then runs his manicured hands through my hair, sighs and tuts. There is a long pause. The tension builds.

"Well... you see, your hair is like, dead. You need to get a conditioning treatment, and regular cuts. Like.... once every six weeks?"

Of course i do.

What follows is an hour of being shampooed, conditioned and trimmed, all the while being subjected to learned word for word from a script advice on how that salon's products can turn me into Cheryl Cole. And yes, she was the example given.
The there was the inane talk. One day i will snap and scream 'CONCENTRATE ON MY FUCKING HAIR YOU BRAIN DEAD MORON'. Until i finally work up the courage, i satisfy myself  with one word answers or gross exageration and sarcasm.

BRAIN DEAD TRAINEE: I've had like SUCH a hard day, there's meant to be two trainees but like, i'm the only one, so i'm like, pure running round everywhere.
ME: That must be SOOO difficult, however have you managed?

I think she may have picked up on it, as i was the only customer not offererd tea or coffee. Harsh punishment for a bit of fun.
Once it became clear i had no money to spend on products and no interest in 'so what are you doing at the weekend' chatter, the ordeal was over pretty quickly. For which i can only say

THANK FUCK.



Nothing like a Healthy Dose of Paranoia

I have a love-hate relationship with the internet

It is very useful- i often wonder how people argued before the assistance of Google, and if it weren't for Facebook i'd pretty much have no social life- but at the same time, its an absolute cunt.



For example, Facebook. It tricks me all the time. On facebook, everyone has the chance to think of something witty to say, rethink it, edit it, before finally posting it in the most amusing form possible. I'll read someone's interesting or funny statuses, think 'wow' what an interesting/funny person', then actually see them and remember they are really boring/a complete tosser.

And though facebook might make it easier to meet up with people and get to know them, it also prevents it. Sometimes i would rather just stay at home with my laptop, facebooking and watching shit on youtube. Because on the internet..

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO.



Even blogging.. i'm not massively into it, i'm far too lazy. But some of the blogs i read and follow get very personal. Its odd knowing very intimate things about people who you don't really know, or haven't even met. In a way its pretty cool, experiencing from a distance a different life and perspective, but knowing someone over the internet isn't like knowing someone in person.. its very easy to edit yourself through a keyboard.
Tbh, apart from anything else, i'd just like a bit of anonymity.
The internet takes away all the mystery from things. Now you just have to google something to become an expert on it, as long as you don't use wikipedia. Its so easy to know everything about someone without really knowing them, which if anything makes it easier to judge them unfairly. Or be... mistaken.



And America's Next Failed Model Is...

Recognise any of these girls?

No, of course not. They're all past contestants on America's Next Top Model.

I watch ANTM. Enough that i use the abbreviated form of the title. After having a stressful day, there is nothing more relaxing than watching some spoilt little girl crying because Tyra Banks is forcing her to have a hair cut. But i am not for one second deluded enough to believe that any of the girls who enter it, make it to the final 12, or even win it have the slightest chance of being any sort of 'top model'. Top- LESS maybe...

To me, models are not like normal people. I mean REAL models, like Agyness Deyn, Naomi Campbell, Karen Elson, Twiggy... even that Kate Moss skeleton thing. Maybe its the complete absence of body fat, or the elevated sense of self importance.. but there is something untouchable and ethereal about them. So when you see a desperate girl on her knees begging an ageing supermodel for one more chance it kind of takes that away.

Can you imagine this girl sobbing to Tyra Banks about how she's just trying to make a better life for her baby, or getting hysterical about posing naked? NO.

Maybe because she's gay and models nude all the time, but still...

I have even bothered to mention the Top Model franchise in other countries. It doesn't even rate on my escapism list. Its like Tyra checked her bank balance, it was a little low, so she sold the title to some other countries. I can just see Saudi Arabia's Next Top Model...



Stereotypes

I am very much a fan of the phrase 'stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason'. The most ditzy person i know is blonde, all older people i know are at least a bit racist and i've yet to meet a ginger person who has a soul.

:')

BUT, i hate stereotypes being applied to me. Particularly ones about motorbiking.
I understand that a lot of women who like motorbikes are kind of butch, manly and generally have eyebrow piercings... BUT THAT IS NOT ME.

I colour co ordinate my clothes to match the bike, and generally burst into tears if i accidentally get too close to the speed limit.
When i was 16 i inherited my sister's little pink moped, Betty, then when i was 17 i got my beautiful little scooter Jackson. I was quite happy on Jackson, i have a very short concentration span, and a scooter that has no gears suits me quite well. But recently my dad blackmailed me into learning to ride a motorbike. I hated it. Suddenly there were all sorts of complicated things like GEARS and A CLUTCH and it was just far too complicated... And there was the underlying fear of the dreaded stereotype.. I made a big fuss about it and refused to practise.
Then something terrible happened.

I began to enjoy it.

I really did not see this coming. I think i'm going to have to try and work out how to change gears while wearing heels, or buy a Chanel helmet or something.
So now, this woman is my new role model

Chesca Miles. Not only is she currently Britain's only female professional stunt rider, she is also a model and singer/songwriter.
OH, AND DID I MENTION SHE'S FEMININE, ATTRACTIVE AND HETEROSEXUAL?

Now i think i'll go re apply my makeup, put on a dress and head out on my motorbike :)

Hey Remember That Time...

I started doing the blog thing to avoid studying, but now i have no studying to do so i've become a little lazy with it... However i recently rediscovered internet shopping and now need something to distract me from that.

I'm having a thought.

(it happens sometimes)

I've been pondering change recently, as i am on the point of moving into a flat with two of my favourite people in the world, and lots will change. Change is scary, but also neccesary and exciting. For example, i will no longer be woken up at 7am by my lovely little brother telling me there's a monster under the bed, which makes me both very happy and very sad. I will also have to learn how to cook without relying on the smoke alarm.

But BIG SCARY MAJOR change is kind of a way of measuring your life i think. Sometimes when something is just about to happen you know that things will be different. There will be a 'before' and 'after' and things will be irrevocably changed. That is a very cool moment, the decision. Its much worse if the decision is made for you. I think if you don't have many of these moments life must get a bit dull and repetative. I haven't had had a BIG MOMENT for aaaaaages and things are feeling a little grey... Hence the internet shopping.

Don't you just hate Buddhism?

There seems to be a lot of religious hatred flying about at the moment...

People hate Muslims because people did horrible things under their name, people hate Jews because they killed Jesus, People hate Christians because Christians hate everyone, people hate Scientologists because.... Tom Cruise.
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES.

But i'd just like to devote a little time to a religion which i think is really neglected in the hatred side of things.
FUCKING BUDDHISTS.

Them, with their shaved heads and brightly coloured robes... all... meditating and stuff. Being all... selfless. Bastards.

But really, its a very misunderstood religion. Which of course, having done higher RMPS, i understand in great detail. I think the group of christians who teach RMPS at one point got together and realised they should really teach us about something other than just how sexy Jesus is. And Buddhism seemed the least challenging religion.
But just a little pointer, for those who think Buddhism is all 'love thy neighbor'.....

They don't believe in love.

Or souls. And Karma doesn't work how 'My Name is Earl' says it does. And generally, its just as sexist as every other religion.

And look at this fatty?! Does he look like he's striving towards enlightenment?

But, as with any other religion, it means something different to every person. Its very naive to make general statements like 'i hate christians'. There are some lovely christians out there who don't mind women in power, gays, or sex before marriage. They're just quieter than the ones who do mind.

And i don't really hate Buddhism. The Buddha was a cool guy. And he said something which i really think should be in the terms and conditions of every religion

Don't blindly believe what I say. Don't believe me because others convince you of my words. Don't believe anything you see, read, or hear from others, whether of authority, religious teachers or texts. Don't rely on logic alone, nor speculation. Don't infer or be deceived by appearances.
Do not give up your authority and follow blindly the will of others. This way will lead to only delusion.
Find out for yourself what is truth, what is real. Discover that there are virtuous things and there are non-virtuous things. Once you have discovered for yourself give up the bad and embrace the good.

Yeaaaah... thats my spiritualism done for this month.

I would like to live in a box right now

I am feeling frustrated. I have my History of Art exam on friday and i have never hated a subject more passionately. Excpet maybe RMPS, but thats not a real subject.

When i was little, i used to like boxes.

As you can see, when not in a box i was not amused. And looked kind of like a frog.
There is something very comforting about being in a box, for me anyway. Maybe its a sign i was destined to be homeless. Its nice to shut out the world and be surrounded by cardboardyness smell. My sister and i had a big box that was made into a car by our poor studenty parents. I think that was one of the high points of my life.

See?! Look how much happier everyone is. Especially Posy. But she's always been a bit odd...
ANYWAY.
Time to study. If anyone wants me, i'll be in my carboard box.

GRUMP

I cannot describe how much this infuriates me

I love lipstick. I love drinking coffee. BUT THE TWO SHOULD NEVER MEET.
When i'm at work and i have to pick up someone's cup with lipstick marks (especially in a nasty colour) it makes me feel sick

Thats all for now, i should be studying. With some coffee.

The F Word

Ok. Time to say something no one wants to say.

Feminism still exists.

Glad that's out of the way. 
But still. I don't like to talk about feminism. I don't think anyone does, but it seems a particularly taboo subject for women. Which is odd.

Because nowadays Feminism seems to be a synonym for butch, man hating lesbian. So all those bra burning, equality seeking women of the 80s rather than freeing women of the future have actually set us back to being living barbie dolls for fear or being called the dreaded F word. Thanks, bitches.

Now I'd like to bring up one of my favourite parts of being a girl. I have an excuse to like Sex and the City. DON'T STOP READING JUST BECAUSE I SAID THAT!
Like it or not its an example of the kind of feminist women allow themselves to be. And i think its the kind of feminist i would maybe possibly admit to being. Maybe. The central characters may be based on very generalised stereotypes of women, but it is a show which portrays women as independent, sexually adventurous and... bitchy. Its a realistic way to look at feminism. Yes, women should be treated as equal to men, but we are different. And most women quite like men and want one in their lives. Even if Samantha does have a lesbian relationship.
I like shoes, shopping and bitching and gossiping. I can't help it. So i don't mind women being shown doing that. Its not misogynistic, its realistic. Stereotypes are often stereotypes for a reason. I'm not going to pretend i hate fashion and only want to talk politics to prove myself equal. I am me.

And i think that is where feminism goes wrong. It deals with 'women' as a group who all want the same thing. We don't, by the way. Unless we shop in Urban Outfitters.

Sibling Rivalry

I have my first ever Uni exam in about 10 hours, so i thought now would be a good time to write a post about living up to expectations. In particular, sibling rivalry.

I have for the majority of my life been the younger sibling. Then when i was 15 i became a middle child. I would like to think that i have always been attention demanding and resented my elder sister, but at least i have an excuse now. Hannah has always been intelligent, independent and since her early teens... annoyingly pretty. This is best summed up in a vague memory i have of visiting a great aunt of some sort. She reported back to my grandparents that Hannah was 'lovely, such a pretty girl, she'll be very beautiful'.
 Me... i got 'cute kid'.
Charming old lady she was.

I don't particularly resent Hannah for being nice looking. I don't think i'm that hideous, and i'm pretty sure i'm less slutty more intelligent and likable than her. By excelling in completely different areas we've managed to avoid any major conflict. Apart from that time i poured coffee over her... 
But then i read this:

 Oldest kids tend to emerge strong confident leaders. For example, almost all of the U.S. Presidents were either the first-born child or the first-born son in their families.

Bastards.

However, I have recently acquired two baby brothers. Well, my dad and stepmum made them. They're pretty damn cool. Hamish and Ruaridh. You wouldn't think they're half Czech...
As they are so much younger, and my half brothers, i'm not sure how the sibling psychology plays out with them. Hamish is already catching up in the intelligence stakes as he is bilingual. At 3 years old. I am part incredibly proud, part intensely jealous. But really, you haven't lived til you've had a 3 year old with a mixed Scottish/Eastern European accent explain when it is and isn't appropriate to get your 'willy' out.

Told you they were cool.

So if i fail these exams, i could blame it on the pressure of having to live up to my sister, or the need to gain back attention from my infinitely more interesting brothers... but ultimately it will be my own fault for starting a blog a few days before the exams.

Beautiful and Unique Snowflakes

Just a couple of thoughts on appearance, as i am a girl, and that is all we think about.

Does anyone else hate Urban Outfitters?

This is a picture of some of the girls who shop in Urban Outfitters. Oh wait...
You see my point though? They go into the oh so vintage, very carefully dillapidated shop on Princes Street and buy the planned out outfit from a mannequin feeling nicely unique and special. I would recommend they all watch Fight Club

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.
You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of
the world.

I'm not saying that no one is important or special. We all are. So in a way no one is...
nice and cheerful thoughts :')
But really, these girls who buy books entitled 'Style me Vintage' then follow them to the letter in order to look cool and quirky... ARE YOU AS STUPID AS YOU LOOK?
Probably not. That would be difficult.

I am vain, and shallow. And when i'm feeling self conscious i am very critical of other people. But i believe how you present yourself is the first way that anyone will gain an understanding of who you are. We all judge people by appearance, so your appearance should reflect who you are, not someone else who you are trying to emulate. And when i see these scared little girls trying desperatly to stand out, the camp bitchy voice in my head (yes, my inner voice sometimes takes the form of Gok Wan) goes into screeching overdrive. Who are they? Apart from people who spend an hour in the morning creating the perfect 'just got out of bed' look.

I also wonder what people think when they look at me..
I have been told i look like a china doll, a tramp, a slut, a lesbian, a teacup, and my sister on different occasions. I hope none of these are true.
I don't own most of the clothes i wear, many are on long term loans from various generous friends. I occasionally realise that i am not even wearing my own underwear. So i suppose i am even less myself than they are, at least they buy their own clothes. But usually i feel comortable in how i look. I am infuriatingly short and could do with a haircut, but hey, at least i have fabulous tits ;)

Lets Talk About Sex

Lets talk about sex.

Now i guess if you click on the link, you will get a nice little message saying that you cannot watch this video unless you are over 18, as it is just too damn dirty. Fair enough. I love a bit of censorship as much as the next person. And i'm sure some people don't want to watch Rihanna playing with a blow up doll and walking her gimp. I've never met any, but i'm sure they exist.
The thing that annoys me in relation to this song is hearing it on the radio. I quite like the song, its nothing lyrically or musically brilliant but its fun and she's got quite a nice voice. But when i hear this on the radio, it goes like this:

I may be bad but i'm perfectly good at it BLANK in the air i don't care i love the smell of it. Sticks and stones my break my bones but BLANK and BLANK excite me.

It even misses out the S&M bit, and the song is renamed 'come on'.

BUT the songs 'Sexbomb' by Tom Jones and 'Lets Talk About Sex' by Salt-N-Pepa are played in their entirety on the radio. So i'm a little confused... Are we allowed to talk about sex or not?
Perhaps in context S&M is a little more explicit, but if Rihanna does get off on whips and chains, should we really judge her? To be honest i would rather hear about sadomasochism than any more whiny bullshit pop about BABY BABY BABY thought you always would be mine cos we've been together for like, a whole month when we're 13.

I understand that kids listen to the radio and sing along, and that our society sexualises chidren far too young anyway. But i really don't think a song is going to make them want to go out and buy a ball gag.
I remember doing ballet dancing (oh the shame) when i was probably younger than 10. And our teacher's song of choice was the aforementioned 'Sexbomb'. I LOVED it. And had absolutely no idea what it was about. And really didn't care much.  Having just googled the lyrics, its essentially about how sex makes him feel good, and his girl is very good at it. So... basically the same idea as Rihanna's song. Just minus the gimps.

So I think what i'm trying to say is that sex, with or without kinkyness is natural. Mostly. And we should be able to talk about it and sing about it. Especially if we are Rihanna.

So i hear Obama Osama Bin Laden is dead?

YES, conspiracy theorists, dead. Much as i hate to believe what the government tells me, this seems to be fact. They shot him through the left eye. And i love that this fact came out pretty quickly, but everything else changes day by day. I do wonder though... (or ponder) how difficult is it to capture one unarmed guy in a turban without accidentally shooting him in a place that is pretty much guaranteed to kill him?
Also, could i pull off a turban?
I think most people would have prefered to have him captured and publicly humiliated.. just think of all the money that could be raised to rescue the American economy! $1 per minute of hooking him up to a torture device of your choice. There's a business opportunity there, I'm surprised Sir Allan Sugar didn't come up with it first.
I'm not usually such a sadist, but terrorists and religious extremists of any sort really piss me off... Don't even get me started of Jehovah's Witnesses.
 But most importantly, i would like to thank America for getting the Royal wedding out of the news so quickly. If i had to see William's horsey, inbred face one more time i think i'd go as insane as the rest of the Royals. Thats what happens when you marry your cousins.
SPEAKING OF COUSINS... but thats a story for another day.
(Picture courtesy of Miss Posy Hardie, a talented artist with a sick sense of humour)

Curiouser and Curiouser...

As many of my friends have started very entertaining, witty and generally insightful blogs, i've decided to start an inferior one to make them all feel good about themselves :)
I have also, very wittily, decided to call it 'Ponderland'. An 'Alice in Wonderland' reference as i'm reading it and coincidentally am named Alice. I will ponder, and therefore... ponderland. See how whimsical it is already? 
I have very little to say that anyone will find interesting. I am too lazy to form a proper rant, too grumpy to write something meaningful, and generally not well enough educated on any subject to discuss it in any depth, though i will happily pretend to know what i'm talking about. I am also supposed to be studying for first year uni exams (having missed the majority of lectures) so will probably just complain about how stupid i was to do an arts degree. I know, a promising career in Mcdonalds awaits me...
I like to read, write, drink coffee til i shake, spend time with my wonderful friends (yes, even Sam), potter around the countryside on my scooter (Jackson, after the Johnny Cash song, not Michael), and listen to music, but i am no good at making it. There are a lot of things i don't like, but they're not so important.
Now i need to find the TV controls and change channels, as 28 Weeks Later has come on, and i have an overwhelming fear of the zombie apocolypse.
IT COULD HAPPEN.